Engrisch (Or Part One of the Long-Awaited Fashion Report)

When it comes to fashion, all my life I have thought of Europe as the pinnacle of hip. To me, Europe was always ahead of the times, pushing the envelope and trying new things. I remember packing to travel to Paris five years ago, and a friend said to me, “Whatever you do, don’t bring blue jeans if you want to blend in and not stand out as an American.” And indeed she was right; when we got to Paris I didn’t see a single European wearing jeans.

But like politics, fashion cycles and recycles itself. The days of people behind the Iron Curtain giving their right arm for a pair of Levi’s gave way to the ‘no-denim’ decade of the 1990s. And with the advent of designer jeans, denim is cool in Europe once again, and nearly everyone is wearing it. If indeed the world is flat and we are becoming one global society, you need look no further than at what cover’s people’s behinds.

Each time I come to Europe I’m searching for that fantastic fashion find that says, “I could only get that in Europe.” But instead I find with each trip that there are fewer and fewer differences in what people wear here and what people wear at home. Even the famous fashion chains of Europe – H&M, Zara, etc – have taken root on Yankee soil in the past couple of years. Ah, the reality of globalization.

So I’m a bit surprised by what is the overwhelming trend here today. The epitome of cool in Austria is wearing shirts with English words or phrases spelled out on them, often in an ‘American’ style. You don’t know whether to be flattered or slightly disappointed that the US culture exported by MTV is what people here actually strive to achieve. The great thing about these shirts, however, is that they frequently display what my friend Jesse affectionately calls ‘Engrisch.’ While the words or phrases may be in English, to a native speaker they just don’t make sense – hence, Engrisch. An example would be the shirt Jesse sent me from Japan, which has an abstract flower on it and says in block letters, “So that more people may make love.” True, it’s English, but when you read it you tilt your head to the side, furrow your brow, and think, “Huh?” Or in the particular case of that shirt, you wonder where in the hell you can wear it without garnering the odd stares of strangers.

In Vienna it’s a bit different, since the English language has roots in German and most people here speak at least a tiny bit of English. Instead, you see shirts that just don’t make sense to anyone who is knowledgeable about the US. Memorable shirt phrases have included, “Washington DC Surf Club,” and my sentimental favourite, “San Diego Basketball.” You also see shirts that you hope are actually trying to be funny – like the one I saw yesterday which said at the top, “All Star Team,” and beneath had a picture of a soccer ball. In bold capital letters, proudly encircling the soccer ball were the following words: “Little Boys. Big Balls.”

You just don’t have the heart to tell them that Dick Cheney doesn’t hang ten on the Potomac, or that San Diego hasn’t seen an NBA team since the Reagan administration. And insert your own joke here when it comes to the little boys with big balls shirt. It makes me wonder just how many people back home who have tattoos in Chinese, Japanese Sanskrit, etc really know what their tattoo says.

So today I’ll close and let you ponder your own jokes for t-shirts. Hopefully by the next post I’ll have gotten some of my funny back. There is some sort of cold/flu bug that’s making its way through the UN this week, and it seems like we’re all fighting it. Take care everyone, and auf wiedersehn for now.